some good verses :)

ps 31:3-5
for you are my rock and my fortress; for your name's sake you will lead me and guid me. you will pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me. for you are my strength. into your hand i commit my spirit; you have ransomed me, O Lord, God of truth.

and v 9-10, 14-15
be gracious to me, O Lord, for i am in distress; my eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also. for my life is spent with sorrow and my years with sighing. my strength has failed because of my iniquity, and my body has wasted away. but as for me i trust in YOU, O Lord, i say, 'you are my God'. my times are in your hand; deliver me frmo the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me...
and v 24- be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord.

quotes!

kate, i absolutely love that book by elisabeth elliott. although the title is depressing, that book holds so much truth and meaning in ALL seasons of life, not just in loneliness. i read that book and loved every single word.
so todays post is not really a journal type thing. nothing new is going on in life except for finals this wk and i am done on thurs! i am so looking forward to a break. it's funny to look back on how the Lord has used each circumstance no matter how painful and drawn out and He has come near in each and has shown me His faithfulness. when i thought i couldn't make it through something, He used it for His good and knew better than i did what was best. here are some quotes i came across this morning when i was looking back through my journal entries from the last couple of years (which are very numerous). i love looking back and seeing how the Lord used so much in my life, so much that was painful and brought something good and better out of it. as i was reading those old entries, i just remember the feeling of pain or loneliness or guilt i had and how i could literally feel my heart sink into my chest. that feeling came back and then i remembered where i am today and how i got through those times, only by His peace and love. so here they are! much love.
cs lewis- what God uses to awaken desire is not necessarily what we long for. the things in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. these things are good images of what we desire, but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers, for they are not the thing itself.

john piper- God alone knows what is good for human beings and God alone knows what is not good for them. to enjoy the good we must trust God and obey Him. if we disobey, we will have to decide for ourselves what is good and what is not good. while to modern men and women such a prospect may seem desirable, to the author of Genesis, it is the worst fate that could have befallen humanity.

The acorn does what it was made to do, without pestering its Maker with questions about when and how and why. we who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the divine pattern for good are asked to believe HIM.

we are always held in the love of God. we are never wholly at the mercy of other people- they are only 2nd causes, and no matter how many 2nd or 3rd or 50th causes seem to be in control of what happens to us, it is GOD who is in charge; He who holds the keys, He who casts the lot finally into the lap. trusting Him, then, requires that i leave some things to be decided by others. i must learn to relinquish the control i mighty wield over somebody else if the decision properly belongs to him. i must resist my urge to manipulate him, needle and prod and pester until he capitulates. i must trust God in him, trust God to do for BOTH of us better than i know. elisabeth elliott

clogged with wishes. i was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, i wished that i could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there.

when the will of God crosses the will of man, somebody has to die.

WORRY IS LIKE A ROCKING CHAIR. IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO DO, BUT IT WON'T GET YOU ANYWHERE....

quote for the day...

here's some elisabeth elliot for you...

"but safety, as the cross shows, does not exclude suffering. all that was of course beyond me when i was a child, but as i began to learn about suffering i learned that trust in those strong arms means that even our suffering is under control. we are not doomed to meaninglessness. a loving purpose is behind it all, a great tenderness even in the fierceness." - elisabeth elliot. the path of loneliness

God's strength made perfect in our weakness :)

So. this verse came up multiple times last week in my conversations with my roommate and with others. it also came up in my quiet times...last week was really difficult at times, but this verse is so powerful and hits me at what seems the worst of times...it is so encouraging. hope you find encouragement in this devotion by spurg!!!
much love---
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
"For my strength is made perfect in weakness." {#2Co 12:9}
A primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God’s work well and triumphantly, is a sense of our own weakness. When God’s warrior marches forth to battle, strong in his own might, when he boasts, "I know that I shall conquer, my own right arm and my conquering sword shall get unto me the victory", defeat is not far distant. God will not go forth with that man who marches in his own strength. He who reckoneth on victory thus has reckoned wrongly, for "it is not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts." They who go forth to fight, boasting of their prowess, shall return with their bright banners trailed in the dust, and their armour stained with disgrace. Those who serve God must serve him in his own way, and in his strength, or he will never accept their service. That which man doth, unaided by divine strength, God can never own. The mere fruits of the earth he casteth away; he will only reap that corn, the seed of which was sown from heaven, watered by grace, and ripened by the sun of divine love. God will empty out all that thou hast before he will put his own into thee; he will first clean out thy granaries before he will fill them with the finest of the wheat. The river of God is full of water; but not one drop of it flows from earthly springs. God will have no strength used in his battles but the strength which he himself imparts. Are you mourning over your own weakness? Take courage, for there must be a consciousness of weakness before the Lord will give thee victory. Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up.
"When I am weak then am I strong,
Grace is my shield and Christ my song."

Weekend Renunion

This weekend Casey Payne and Tyler Wallace are getting married. For that reason, this weekend will be a bit of a training staff reunion. I began thinking about it, obviously Tyler and Casey are marrying each other, Allison won't be able to make it because she will be with her husband in their new home town in Kentucky, Michael got engaged this week, Breck will be staying at my house with her boyfriend(in seperate rooms :), and Morgan will be driving in from a visit to her boyfriend in Atlanta. I could dwell on this and get depressed, I could dwell on the moment last night where Breck asked, so what about you? are you talking with anyone? (becoming such a familiar question) Or I could dwell on truth. Truth that I heard recently in a message on The Lord's Prayer. It was a message that we've all heard, but that we need to hear, over and over and over. That this life isn't about our needs, give us this day our daily bread, its about Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be His name, His kingdom come, His will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven... for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. The teacher reminded us that the Lord's desire is for earth to be as it is in Heaven. That Heaven is completely and totally surrendered to His glory, and that is what He is working and constantly moving to make happen here. So to be focused on anything else, is to be focused on too little, is to except too little from this life God has given us. We are to expect God's glory, and while marriage certainly doesn't have to be seperate from that, to put all my desire in marriage rather than God's glory is to seperate it.

I am also reminded of King David, who was run out of His home, away from the people he loved because his father-in-law, the king, was trying to kill him. He literally ran for his life for 10 years, but relied solely on the presence of the Lord to carry Him through. God provided enough grace to carry him through that for ten years. Tonight I can dwell on the fact that I know that same God, and if He can provide enough grace to carry David through those ten years, He can certainly provide enough grace to strengthen me through however many years He has planned for me not being married. Tonight, that is quite a comfort.

hey guys... do you like the new layout? sorry... i'm just much too much in a blog craze these days! i spent to much time on this... haha. but, i hope that you like it. i wish that i had something good to say now... some kind of truth... but i have not even had quiet time yet. you know, the blog layout is much more important! haha. hope ya'll have a good day!

oh, and claire, i loved that devotional of elisabeth elliots!! mm mmm, i needed it that day!

can i make it pretty?

hey guys... no insight for the time being. however, my last post on my own blog is very appropriate for this blog, as well! so if you want to check it out. but, i just wanted to ask if it would be ok if i made a pretty design for this blog... like a header? i was introduced to a fun blog header creator thing and i'm excited! so... that's all!

some elisabeth...i can't get enough

Thanks to Kate! Really though, since you've been writing about her, I've been reading her daily devotional every day. And it's always so good, and somehow always relevant. So, if anyone's already read this, then I'll just be reiterating it by posting it here...but it's so good I want to share.

Title: Don't Forfeit Your Peace

Author: Elisabeth Elliot

It would not be possible to exaggerate the importance hymns and spiritual songs have played in my spiritual growth. One of the latter, familiar to most of you, has this line: "O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer" (Joseph Scriven). Prayerlessness is one of many ways by which we can easily forfeit the peace God wants us to have. I've been thinking of some other ways. Here's a sampling:

1. Resent God's ways.
2. Worry as much as possible.
3. Pray only about things you can't manage by yourself.
4. Refuse to accept what God gives.
5. Look for peace elsewhere than in Him.
6. Try to rule your own life.
7. Doubt God's word.
8. Carry all your cares.

If you'd rather not forfeit your peace, here are eight ways to find it (antidotes to the above eight):

1. "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them" (Psalm 119:165 KJV). "Circumstances are the expression of God's will," wrote Bishop Handley Moule.
2. "Don't worry about anything whatever" (Philippians 4:6, PHILLIPS).
3. "In everything make your requests known to God in prayer and petition with thanksgiving. Then the peace of God... will guard your hearts" (Philippians 4:6,7, NEB).
4. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me... and you will find rest" (Matthew 11:29, NIV).
5. "Peace is my parting gift to you, my own peace, such as the world cannot give" (John 14 27, NEB).
6. "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts" (Colossians 3:15, NIV).
7. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing" (Romans 15:13, KJV).
8. "Cast all your cares on him for you are his charge" (1 Peter 5:7, NEB).

"Grant, O Lord my God, that I may never fall away in success or in failure; that I may not be prideful in prosperity nor dejected in adversity. Let me rejoice only in what unites us and sorrow only in what separates us. May I strive to please no one or fear to displease anyone except Yourself. May I seek always the things that are eternal and never those that are only temporal. May I shun any joy that is without You and never seek any that is beside You. O Lord, may I delight in any work I do for You and tire of any rest that is apart from You. My God, let me direct my heart towards You, and in my failings, always repent with a purpose of amendment."

--St. Thomas Aquinas

I bolded some of the things I most identify with now. I love how she just spells it out for us. Worry much? Here's what the Word says about that...cast all your cares. Turning to idols? They can't give you peace. Only He can. Encouraging stuff.

hello!

SARAH!!! i know exactly what you mean about the weather and the colors being so vivid and bright. i was describing the weather the other day to someone, i forgot who, but i remember saying that everything looked so clear and crisp. you know during the winter when days look like that? wow, i love fall and the changing of colors and weather! AH! our Father is so creative!
anyway, sorry i haven't written this week. school has been dragging me down this week, and unfortunately this week was pretty discouraging! but through the discouragement, i found joy in being reminded once again of the Lord's pure faithfulness in the midst of my doubt. ahhhh. i am amazed and humbled at His loving kindness and grace to me even though i doubt His power. this week was just tough with school and assignments we had, not to mention i did not do well grade-wise on wednesday. in my head i kept doubting myself wondering why i got myself into this major! and of course, the Lord used little, miniscule reminders to show me that He is there always and will never leave my side. i am doing a bible study with some dental hygiene girls (from my class and the class below us). this week was our first official meeting and it was AWESOME. i left there so encouraged. i was assigned to lead the devotion (this was tuesday...). and i was kindof nervous because i hadn't prepared well at all! in fact, i slightly skimmed over the morning and evening devotion for that day and thought "hey that sounds good! i will read that tonight and briefly talk about it! and hope that people contribute and talk about what i read"! well...i described the devotion a little and then read it out loud word for word at the bible study. i was almost brought to tears while i was reading it. it was EXACTLY what i needed to hear. it talked about even in the despair and discouragement and in our depravity, the Lord knows where we are and brings us through. all we need to do is cry out and lean on our Rock and Refuge. as i wrapped things up with reading and describing what it was talking about, EVERYONE chimed in and became transparent and shared things they have been through that the Lord has seen them through. it was awesome! SUCH a great picture of community and the church and just fellowship with other believers. it was definitely an uplifting time, and something i have been looking forward to for a while now (the community, fellowship, etc.). what made it even better is that these are girls in my class who i know share in our faith, but in class situations we never have the opportunity to talk about deeper things and about our relationship with Christ. so that was cool. ANYWAY, sorry to go on and on about that. but tuesday night's bible study just made my week and made me excited and refreshed about the body of Christ!! i hope all is well with you all :) i miss each of you and look forward to hearing the next post! much love.

Big Blue Sky

hey guys,

Sorry its been a while. What fonts are taken? I don't know if I can tell that big of a difference between all of them. Anyways, I don't have a lot to say, or a lot of time to say anything. However, its an amazing day. Beautiful, feels incredible. One of those days. I swear, on days like this when everything feels so wonderful, the colors are also more vivid and bright. Is that possible? I guess I'm a little bit on a high because the mid-semester review is done, and it went pretty well. After two weeks of stress, I now have two months until everything has to be done. On top of that, its an absolutely beautiful day, and all day its just made me want to listen to Big Blue Sky by Bebo Norman. This song just makes me so happy. Do you have those songs? So, I just got on to say, listen to Big Blue Sky by Bebo Norman and enjoy who our Father is.

I don't have a lot to give

This broken world can make it hard to live

I got nothing left to say

My empty words have simply gone away

But this big blue sky

Shows me all that I have got

And You're by my side

To Be everything I'm not

The angels sigh

I breathe deep the breath of God

I cannot find another sky

My thoughts are heavy and they cloud my eyes

But when I'm searching for the sun

You rise up quickly with your kingdom come

I'm coming alive

Nothing is good apart from You

I'm coming alive...with You

I may not have a lot to give

This broken world can make it hard to live

I may have nothing left to say

But I know that You will never go away.

Listen to it, its better that way.

elisabeth elliot, cont.

guys, i miss hearing from you! no pressure :) today's elisabeth elliot devotion shook me up. this is just a small portion of it...

"The worst pains we experience are not those of the suffering itself but of our stubborn resistance to it, our resolute insistence on our independence. To be "crucified with Christ" means what Oswald Chambers calls "breaking the husk" of that independence. "Has that break come?" he asks. "All the rest is pious fraud." And you and I know, in our heart of hearts, that that sword-thrust (so typical of Chambers!) is the straight truth.

If we reject this cross, we will not find it in this world again. Here is the opportunity offered. Be patient. Wait on the Lord for whatever He appoints, wait quietly, wait trustingly. He holds every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in His hands. Thank Him in advance for what the future holds, for He is already there. "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup" (Psalm 16:5, NIV). Shall we not gladly say, "I'll take it, Lord! YES! I'll trust you for everything. Bless the Lord, O my soul!"

good ole elisabeth elliot.

thanks danielle for your wonderfully welcoming texts in the morning! they always make me want to read His Word which is a very good thing! therefore, i read zephaniah this morning. i needed it so much... after a somewhat emotional and growing weekend... a checkup weekend where you have to die a little. ok, so die completely, but i'm often resistant to that. i'm sure you read this danielle, but i really would just like to type it out, if that's ok... then tell ya'll some awesomeness from EE.

"For at that time I will change the speech
of the peoples
to a pure speech,
that all of them may call upon the name
of the LORD
and serve Him with one accord...
On that day you shall not be put to
shame
because of the deeds by which you
have rebelled against me;
for then I will remove from your midst
your proudly exultant ones,
and you shall no longer be haughty
in my holy mountain.
But I will leave in your midst
a people humble and lowly.
They shall seek refuge in the name of
the LORD,
those who are left in Israel...
Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion,
shout, O Israel!
Rejoice and exult with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem!
The LORD has taken away the judgments
against you;
he has cleared away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save...
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
he will quiet you by his love,
he will exult over you with loud singing...
Behold at that time I will deal
with all your oppressors
And I will save the lame
and gather the outcast,
and I will change their shame into
praise
and renown in all the earth.
At that time I will bring you in,
at that time when I gather you together,
for I will make you renowned and
praised
among all the peoples of the earth
when I restor your forutnes
before your eyes,' says the Lord."
- Zephaniah 3:9-20 (well, skipped around in there)

praise God! so, i know that was a lot of words... but it's so rich.

and here is some awesome truth from EE...

"Heaven is not here, it's There. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for.

"Running aground," then, is not the end of the world. But it helps to make the world a bit less appealing. It may even be God's answer to "Lead us not into temptation"--the temptation complacently to settle for visible things."

just a little tip. she has a daily devotional that i check every morning and it's always so good... here.

love ya'll.

p.s. i changed my font, so i can distinguish mine from ya'lls. do you think that's a good idea? maybe we should each choose a font to use and it just makes it more individualistic and easier to read.

a good quote

"a calmer faith- that's the quiet place within us where we don't get whiplash every time life tosses us a curve. when we don't revolt when His plan and ours conflict. where we relax in the midst of an answerless season. when we accept and expect deserts in our spiritual journey as surely as we do joy."

Good Evening

Several quick comments before I really get started. First of all, look at how good we're doing! Every time I get on there's a new post. So fun. Second, yay for a comment from Laura Clayton! I wish you would post with us. Third, this quote was on offirstimportance.org this morning and I thought I'd share:

"By becoming a Christian, I belong to God and I belong to my brothers and sisters. It is not that I belong to God and then make a decision to join a local church. My being in Christ means being in Christ with those others who are in Christ. This is my identity. This is our identity....If the church is the body of Christ, then we should not live as disembodied Christians."

-Tim Chester and Steve Timmis, Total Church

So, I just want to say that I'm really thankful for this blog and the chance to hear what God is teaching all of you.

So, senior project is definitely a stressful semester. I'm feeling more pressure than ever before to create good work, and its been a while since I've really felt like I excelled in these classes. For whatever reason, I don't really work very well in this classroom setting. Its like I put so much pressure on myself to please the professors and to compare with my classmates, that I paint much worse than I would otherwise. I'm very much ready to be out of the classroom setting so that I can really enjoy painting again. I've talked about all of this before. In my mind, I kind of compare this semester to the semester that I was New Member Coordinator. I felt so much pressure that semester and stayed completely stressed out. I didn't handle it very well. I pray that this semester will lead me to rely on God. He's been very faithful to continue to remind me that He is greater than this project, and that He is meeting me here. Of course I have freak out moments. In fact, I freaked out pretty badly today when I still hadn't made it to the studio and my car died. However, I just feel like God continues to remind me through this entire process that He is bigger than this. That everything I go through, including senior project, is in His purpose. I turned today to the faithful Jeremiah 29:11. However, I read the verses around it as well.

"For thus says the Lord, 'when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord,'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declare the Lord,'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the Lord,' and I will bring you back to the place form where I sent you into exile.'" Jeremiah 29:10-14.

God hasn't sent me into exile, and He hasn't been gone for 70 years and is now returning to me. However, I am reminded from these verses that ultimately God wants us to call out to Him, and I am certainly at a place where I have to constantly call out to Him to carry me through this whole process. Also, I am reminded that He has a plan for this as He does everything in my life. He has a purpose, that although I may not always be able to see it, I can trust it. Its so incredible for me to see the many times that God puts Israel in exile, and then fulfills His promise by redeeming them, puts them in exile, fulfills His promise, etc. etc. until Jesus Christ arrived. To know that the same God who put all of those plans together is also arranging and guiding my life, is very humbling and exciting!

Well, I need to get to bed. Hope everyone has a wonderful week! Good night.

short post

kate! i loved your post.......i was reminded tonight while driving that we can't "run away" from God. no matter how far we try to or how hard we try to hide, He knows us and loves us still...i was comforted by that and was in awe in how to even respond to that kind of love and Creator. love all of ya'll!

simple but good.

i decided i would check in... it's been a little while for me. i was like three posts behind! oops. actually, i have to make this quick. but i saw where sarah was interested in going through ruth together. i went to the ruth bible study this morning and i was so encouraged. i have been "battling" a crush... which is what it really feels like to me. a battle. because i want it but i can't have it kind of thing. and in the midst of that, i think if i truly love the Lord, then i would not be struggling with this. today we were talking about naomi's life. we looked at this verse... "I went away full, and the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the LORD has testified against me and the Almighty has brough calmity upon me?", Ruth 1:21. we talked about naomi's anger, should she be angry? should she question God? should we look upon her with contempt? sometimes i get angry, because i have been blessed to meet and be around solid Christian, cute guys. and i never get to enter into relationships... instead i'm left with this longing. and it gets frustrating. especially because i think that if i was more holy, if i loved Him more, than i would not long for these things as much. but this is what richard said... when we try to deny our feelings. when we try to be holy in spite of any anger inside of us... we are trying to offer to God a holiness of our own which does not exist. it's me trying to earn my salvation when He has said that i have fallen short. and in that shortage, in that temptation, in that anger, i take it to God. to a God that sympathizes with our weakness because He has been tempted in every way. ahhh! good stuff.

ok, i have to go... but i love ya'll. and have a beautiful weekend.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:8-9

happy thurs!

CLAIRE! i'm glad to see you back on the blog. haha it sounded like you gave yourself a cartoon name or something---the silent blogger??? you are funny!
i love this blog too---mainly because i get to keep up with ya'll and we can all be involved (even though we are miles apart) in each others' lives. it is gloomy and depressing here in mtown but weather like that always still reminds me of God's beauty, power, majesty, and even tenderness because rainy weather is almost peaceful to me. i have been reading a book called "for women only" and it seems like the main running theme in the book is trust. and how the guy needs for us as women to let them know that we trust in them and believe they can do things. but even beyond that issue, i've been thinking alot about trusting Jesus and His Word. last night, katie and i discussed how we had both been in kindof a season off and on of doubt and doubting our faith. and she was talking about a sermon she was listening to recently about how those doubts are in turn for good, because they draw us nearer to God. they kindof "wake us up" in a sense if maybe we have been lacking in the Word or spending time with Him. i know those doubts always bring me into a reality that He is near and nearer than we can even imagine...yet we still try to run and hide. so, all of that to say even in those seasons of doubt that we think are "wrong" and make us not Christians, the Lord can use those for our growth.
ya'll ALL need to read "for women only". it is not just for marriage/dating relationships, i think can definitely pertain to how we relate to men in general---even in friendships or with our dads. it is so so good. there is also a book for men called "for men only" haha obviously....and i actually want to read it just to see the information that is in it and how they describe the wants and needs of women.
sarah---you definitely should get the song "without words" by the shelley moore band. it is really good and very calm and relaxing. i love it.
i feel like all i have been doing lately is school...and interacting with people...and that makes me SO DRAINED. at the end of the day, all i want is down time. i want to start reading a book of the Bible to kindof have a little more push and motivation to stay on track in the Word. i try to read a verse or two a day before i go into school, and actually SO many times it is very refreshing and something i absolutely needed to hear that day. it has been sortof strange lately how my attitude is slowly changing. i can feel the presence and power of the Holy Spirit moving me into situations and opportunities of emptying me of self and into Himself. it is really weird. my relationship with others and with my family has changed and for a long time i felt obligated and almost forced to do things for people and it was without joy and a servant's spirit. and now i feel like doing things because i see in perspective the love of Jesus and His sacrifice that brought me where i am. and i feel a sense of joy in doing those things that for the longest time would have made me so frustrated and upset to do---little things like emptying the dishwasher or taking out trash or cleaning up after myself or others. and in the dental hygiene clinic, every interaction with my patient and every conversation i try not to take for granted. it is such an opportunity for sharing the Gospel and also an opportunity for the Lord to work in me through the people i meet and get to talk to every day. i'm not sure if this change is something "new" or something the Lord has been churning and working in my heart for a long time...but i just feel different and see things in a different light. it is really neat.
WELL--- sorry for the rambling. looking forward to hearing updates and new things with ya'll. and kate--thank you for that verse the other day that you sent...i think hebrews something. it was so good. read nehemiah 9 (i think i sent that in a text) when you get a chance AND mark 11:24. ya'll are great, much love!

growing up, defeating worry!

It is still hard for me to believe that I am in the process of applying/interviewing in hopes of finding my first job in the "real world". It's really tough, to be honest, and so far, I have been timid and just plain pessimistic about it. That's not entirely true, because I do have optimistic days and I know that God is sovereign and has had a plan since the beginning of time for me and all of His children. But, I am hit with lies almost every day about myself and my future, and I have become good at believing them. Lies like, "God doesn't have anything else for you...you'll never get a job or make a difference or bear fruit for Him." Yes, that extreme! And, "You made that mistake, choosing a major you didn't like, and that messed the plan up that God had for You." How silly. They are not true. I believe they're simply lies directly from our Enemy.

I got a call yesterday morning from a man from a company that I sent my resume to. He invited me to interview with them this Friday. Since yesterday morning, I have been thinking about it almost constantly, worrying and worrying over what I will say and what they will think of me. I have a real problem with worry. Since I was a wee teen, I have had this thing where if something is coming up, some kind of public speaking or interview or even social events that I am uncomfortable with, I will obsessively anticipate it. Unhealthy obsession and worry. It is a real sin in my life. And I'm so tired of it. Upon coming across this verse yesterday, I gave my anxieties to the Lord, just wishing for His peace to come over me: "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" - Matthew 6:27. Could Jesus be any more reasonable and clear? It makes so much sense. Worrying does absolutely nothing. It can only tear you down, and it dishonors Him. So this evening, as I was running with my Dad, that peace finally started to kick in. I began to believe, actually believe what I've been reading in the Word and taking my family's advice about this interview coming up, this small moment in time, advice like "Just be yourself, and just be honest". And that is all I want to be. It's totally the Spirit ministering to me, and its times like these that I appreciate challenge and the hard things, because God shows up in mighty ways. I am hoping and praying that, as I face more and more of these uncomfortable events in my life, that I am relying each time more and more on God's grace to get me through it, and totally refusing to believe the lies, and reject the worry.

Hope yall are having good weeks : )

So....hey! I have been the silent member of this ship for way too long. Though I've never actually posted on here, I have kept up with mostly all of your posts over the past year and have been really encouraged by them. So I just wanted to say thanks, Sarah, Kate, and Danielle...and attempt to become an active post-er.

Why the sudden motivation? I've definitely gotten more "in" to blogging these days and have found that I do enjoy it. And I agree with you, Sarah - this blog actually has purpose! It's a conversation, an encouragement, and a sharing of life among friends. Secondly, it's a great way to keep up with yall. Thirdly, I'm in desperate need of community (even if it's blog community) : ) Now that I'm home, there's kind of a lack of Christian friends in my life. I have my family, but there are virtually no young people here, or maybe I just haven't found them. Even at my church, our age is just kind of skipped. It kind of goes from high school to young marrieds, with no "young singles", or whatever I am, in between. All that to say, I LOVE the idea of going through a book of the Bible with yall. I am reading Romans right now, and about to start Ezekiel, but I am fine doing whatever. I like the idea of doing Ruth again for sure.

Since this blog started as kind of a singles' support group (that sounds lame, I don't know what to call it!), I guess I could start by telling you where I am with guy thing. For the past year or so, I've been saying that I'm okay with being single. Even forever, if that's what God wants. And I really feel that way. It hasn't been a huge struggle...yet. Here's the funny part: I'm not okay with being okay with being single. That probably doesn't make sense! Let me try to explain. I had a conversation with a friend, also single, this summer in Auburn, and I'm not sure how we got to this, but I mentioned I was okay with being single. She said she was too, and had been for a while, but the fact that she was okay with it has always really scared her. She explained that she of course wants to date and wants a husband one day, but that she definitely has a peace about being single. And because God knows this... she kind of wants to take it back. As in, "No, Lord, just because I'm okay with not ever getting married, please don't take the prospect of actually getting married away! I still want to! Don't misunderstand..." I totally agreed with her, because that is exactly the way I feel. I'm stuck between "I don't have to get married if it's not in Your plan" and a strong desire to have a husband and be a wife, sharing the most intimate relationship two people can share, and have children, be a mother. I feel like this desire has grown, even in the past few months, and is only going to grow as I get older. But for now, I am content to be single. Fortunately, as Sarah said, He does understand my desires infinitely more than I do, right now and always.

The chorus of one of Brooke Fraser's songs, "Love is Waiting", always gives me hope in the area of singleness. They are simple lyrics, but it's just a reminder to me that even if I'm longing for a boyfriend or sometimes just think it would be easier if I were married already, the one God has for me may not be ready, and I may not be ready either.

'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

By the way, I think the song is actually about her dating someone already but not being sure if he's "the one" (but I tend to bend lyrics to fit my situation....). Anyway, it's a beautiful song!

Danielle, I'm glad things are going well with you and Michael, and I'll be praying about Bloom (which sounds really cool). And Kate and Sarah, I love hearing about your lives at Auburn...miss that place so much and the people in it.

More to come and goodnight!

Let me say one last time, I'm so glad that we're really doing this again. Danielle I've been looking up songs by the Shelly Moore Band. You're right, she has a beautiful voice! I downloaded Jesus, I am Resting and Serenade. Any other recommendations?

We should definitely go through a book, but maybe one that some of us are already going through? I've been thinking of you Danielle because I've joined, along with Kate, an RUF fellowship group (even though I don't go to RUF) that Richard and his wife are leading on Ruth. When I heard that it was being lead by the two of them and that it was on Ruth, I just couldn't resist. I loved it when we went through Ruth together. I'm also doing a Bible study on David, and I know Kate is doing another one on 1 John I think. I was also trying to read through 1 Peter. I just thought maybe we could pick one that we can all really focus on right now. Would you be interested in doing Ruth again? I think we could continue to learn a lot from it.

Everything that you said Danielle about fellowship is so true. I feel like I'm learning that more and more as I get older just how necessary Christian fellowship is. Christian fellowship has been slightly lacking in my life in the past year, and I think I need to begin actively pursuing that. Friday morning, I went to prayer. Do you remember that I was involved in Crusade's Friday morning prayer Danielle? Well, there is a core group of us who have been doing it for so long now, and it feels less and less like a "crusade" group because no one new ever comes. We just meet together to pray. This Friday morning was especially encouraging. We all randomly shared what God has been teaching us, about a devotion that we had read, or shared our favorite verses with each other. I was open with them about my lack of trust right now, but I also shared the morning and evening devotion that I had read. The verse for the night that Rachel and I had our big discussion was "Trust in Him at all times." Psalm 62:8. It hit me right where was I at, exactly. It was one of those moments where God couldn't make it any more clear that He was speaking to me. He didn't make me get there for myself; He completely laid it out for me, and He was saying that He's going to take care of everything. Which is so true.

Philip encouraged me by reminding me of Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I hear that verse and hear that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, our desires will be His desires. Which is true. Philip went on to say that he had realized in that verse that God created us, and He knows and understands our desires so much better than we do. Right now, it feels like the fulfillment of my desires would be to either get married or go to Charleston, and maybe that would be very satisfying, but definitely, God knows much better than I what will satisfy me: on a spiritual level and on a daily living level. What's the verse where God says that if your earthly parent provides bread, then God will give so much more. Do you know what I'm talking about? God certainly isn't holding back on us, and He understands what each of us needs this week, and this year.

So, I'm sorry that all felt a little jumbled. I need to get out of here and head back to Auburn.

By the way Danielle, I think we should definitely all meet in Nashville. I've realized if Nashville is going to be backup for the spring, I should probably go. We'll keep in touch!

loving the blog world...

i love blogging! i think it is because i saw julie and julia the other day with my mom...and i was so inspired by her blog and it reminded me of you've got mail and the email system! so fun! by the way, if ya'll haven't seen julie and julia, you definitely must!
sarah, i will be praying for you. i feel so bad for your situation...but i am SO thankful that you said all of that and that you were honest and transparent in the fact that you are not "great". as ironic as it is, i am most encouraged when people are honest and talk about stinky things going on in their lives and how they are depending upon the Lord. keep me posted on how things are going and especially on your plans for after december. and you and kate both should definitely come to memphis this fall! that would be AMAZING! or we could all meet in nashville one weekend?? that would be so fun too! i am planning on coming to auburn some time... i get a few fridays off from school so i will probably come those weekends...maybe the end of this month and again a couple of times in oct. i will for sure give ya'll a heads up!
kate, i am SO SO excited that you are committed to and loving RUF. WOW!! that is AWESOME. i am so sad i missed out on that my senior year of college :( God has worked in so many amazing ways in that group, it is almost mind-boggling. i can't even put into words how blessed i was by that community. after being back in memphis for a while, there have been times where i have longed for that group of friends and relationships...but those types of longings have led me to the sunday school i am in now and the friends and relationships i have built here since being back. how the Lord works is AWESOME, even though getting to the place He has called us may be absolutely challenging and difficult. about the china thing---that is awesome too!! i have been praying about maybe making a trip to s. korea sometime after i graduate---or even before if time and school permit. i have been wanting to visit one of my old high school teachers, who now lives over there with his family and is a principal at a NICS school there. i want to know more about the culture and the people and about orphanages and how they work.
haha it is totally ok to just have updates! i want to know about ya'lls lives and just hearing about our different situations and roads we are on is encouraging in itself.

OHH ya'll can also be praying for a ministry called "Bloom" i am thinking about getting involved with either this fall or in the spring? it is a women's ministry for girls our age who team up with an older lady at the church and are mentored by them. i am praying the Lord will open up that opportunity for me and allow time in a day to do that. that would be AWESOME.
ALSO---i know we are all super busy, but is there a book of the Bible (short) or a short book we could all read on our own and then post as we read through it?? we wouldn't really have to be on any type of schedule...that is what is so great about blogging! let me know!
ps- yall need to download some shelly moore band songs on itunes....her voice is incredible, it makes me tear up every time i listen to it!!!

update v. kate.

yay. thanks danielle for pursuing this! God has gifted you so much in being such an encouragement to the people in your life. i'm very thankful for that! i'm sorry that i have done a poor job of keeping up! will you be coming to auburn anytime this fall? i want to come up to TN at some point... nashville, but maybe memphis could be a little detour.

thanks for sharing that man's story. i'm in the same boat as ya'll... regarding having to realize it's not about my plans, but His. i have to say... God has blessed me a lot this semester already! i am thankful for that. it's going to be busy and lots of decision making but to a certain degree i feel like this semester and hopefully year will be kind of like the calm after the storm. i feel like i've gone through this funnel of crazy sanctification and breaking and molding and dang, that hurts sometimes, you know? but, it's all for good.

ok, so for specifics. danielle, you'll appreciate that i am absolutely in love with RUF right now. i have to continually give it up, and pray that RUF gives it up... that it is all for God's glory. it's empowered by Him for Him. it's not about RUF. but He's blessed it and blessed me by it. i believe the community's strong. and maybe because i've never completely let myself go in it. i've never made it top priority. i've always contemplated, do i want to give time to ADPi, to crusade, to work, to this, to that. but i think this semester.... richard talks about this a lot with core group... you have to choose something that you can commit to, and i feel like i've simply chosen RUF. and i can rest in that. i've never been able to because everyone calls you in different directions. but i've always known RUF was my fave! it's just where i feel God would have me. i'm leading a sophomore girls' fellowship group with Meggie, the new intern. it's so fun! it's on 1 john and i am beyond thankful for that. it talks about how our fellowship with God is disrupted when we take so lightly our sin, when we are not repenting on a daily basis. and if we do not have a right relationship with God, we can not have a right relationship with others.

i am praying about what to do after college. i don't know if you ever even heard the China phase of my life... Danielle... but i'm in love with China and want to go there one day. well, i went for a week in the Spring. and i was certain i would go when i graduate, but the Lord has steered me from that. He gave me the conviction all last year, to the point that i even was able to go. i was sure of it this summer, but He kept shutting doors with certain organizations... i just never had a peace because of various situations and conversations. but, i'm still certain of the conviction. but, not now. in fact, i e-mailed the girl who i have been talking to at MTW, yesterday, to let her know i made my decision that i will not continue the application process. and i had a complete peace about it! but, haha... today i was working on a paper, and looking up stuff about london which led to the olympics which led to beijing... and this video with this song that they play everywhere in china! i watched this youtube video, and ya'll i just sat and bawled. i love China! and i thought, Lord, what happened? why not? but, i still have this peace that it will be in future, but not immediately. watch the video :)

thanks for the lyrics, sarah. i love how we always write lyrics... i love lyrics!

so, this is getting long and i simply wrote and update... no encouragement really... but i will try, try, try to be faithful and post something more later!

love ya'll.

Hey Guys,

Danielle, I so enjoyed your blog! The great thing about this blog, as opposed to my blog, is that there is a purpose. If that makes sense. I know exactly what I need to blog about. Danielle, I'm so happy for you, and I'm so glad that things came together with you and Michael. I would love to hear all about it! And Danielle, I know that I can speak for both Kate and I when I say that Rock of Ages is one of our favorite songs.

So Danielle, you picked a great night to get in touch with me. I don't know if you remember this, but I haven't graduated. I graduate in December. Rachel and I were planning on moving to Charleston in January. She mentioned at the very beginning of the semester that she wasn't as completely sure about missing out on her final semester at Auburn. Since then, we've both avoided talking about it. She didn't want to mention that she might not be able to go, and I didn't want to hear it. It all came to a head last night. We hosted her grandparents for dinner, and they asked about it and advised us for the entire dinner. It left me pretty emotional. I really enjoyed the dinner, and then when they left, for whatever reason I just felt sad. We were hit with the reality of the situation, and the reality is that it probably isn't going to work out. Her grandfather made a joke during dinner about how I could possibly meet Mr. Right in the next two weeks and would completely give up on Charleston. Somehow that hit a nerve. These days, I usually don't dwell very much on the guy thing, but when I do, then I just break down. Hearing about Charleston, and being reminded that there isn't a Mr. Right, I realized that Charleston was kind of my replacement. You know what I mean? If I wasn't getting married, well then at least I would have an adventure. I also realized, I'm looking for someone to fill the husband role. I want someone to go somewhere with. I don't want to just go. I can't lie, or fake and say that I'm in a great place right now. I'm not. I read your blog last night, and I broke down because I knew that it was so true that God is control, but I didn't want to hear it because that means that I could very easily wait another ten or twenty years before meeting Mr. Right if that's God's plan. I want a different plan. I'm not great right now. But, while I don't particularly enjoy feeling this way, the great thing is, that I feel God's presence and reality more than ever. I want to rebel against God's plan, and will, but I am more aware of it than ever. Does that make sense? I am reminded that as unreliable, and unfaithful as I am, in the midst of my doubt and anger(?), God is remaining faithful. He is standing so firm, and I don't doubt that. I count on it, and rest in it, when I am faithless. He makes up for my doubt. I can't trust in myself, because if I did, I would be freaking out. I have to trust that God is standing strong.

I listened to this song on repeat this morning in the studio, because I feel like it speaks what I am feeling. It doubts while understanding that He doesn't.

They say you live in hospitals and trenches
and towers in the sky
And I'm not dying or fighting any wars
Except on the inside

The only thing I need is a void that You can fill
And I jump ship and run even further in Your Will

And I am looking for the well that won't run dry
The rest that weary thoughts cannot deny
When You wrap Your arms around me
I can walk away or face the emptiest day

The words I find impossible to mention
Are written on a star
They say that I can find You in a flower
I need you in the car

The optimism of my youth is dead and gone
But I'll save these speculations for another time and song

And I am looking for the well that won't run dry
The rest that weary thoughts cannot deny
When You wrap Your arms around me
I can walk away or face the emptiest day

And life is only perceived through chemicals and emotion
But love, love is the island that overgrows the ocean

And I am looking for the well that won't run dry....

Caedmon's Call The emptiest Day

He is good, when I am not, and for now, that is all I need to know.

:) starting a new school year

AHHHH here is how i post! so, it has been a while since i have written on this blog. i have been inspired lately, however, to write some thoughts down and this is the best outlet for that. i miss ya'll so much and i miss this blog!! we need to get back on regularly writing on this website and keeping up with each others' lives. life has been pretty hectic the past few weeks. my life has felt so unorganized and it has made me feel pressured and stressed. whenever my room or books or anything are out of order, i feel like everything around me is out of order. i don't like that feeling! school has already been challenging and difficult...i think especially since i did not crack a book open this summer. i want to hear how ya'lls schooling is going, and sarah---i want to hear about charleston! have ya'll moved there yet?
well the dating life---if you haven't noticed from my "relationship status" on facebook (i feel so funny updating ya'll this way), i am dating the same guy again. it has been a slow process of moving into our relationship, but it has been a GOOD slow process. normally, i am the most impatient person when dealing with relationships (as seen in older posts, i wanted everything in my timing) and the Lord knew His perfect timing and plan for both michael and me. it has been different than when we dated before---even though it is long distance and it's hard, i feel like we've grown as individuals and we are more mature than when we dated previously. it's so hard to put in words, i wish there was a way to! but you definitely know when people around you have grown, but especially you know for a fact when you have grown. the Lord used SO many things--good and bad--the past 2 years that i look back on now and know for sure they were His perfect Will...even though at the time i was going through them i felt weak and unsure if it really was God's perfect plan because it was not what i wanted. anyway, all that to say relationships are hard, but good, and it took alot of trust to get where we are now in dating...and it took trust in the Lord to get me through the past 2 years that were really hard.
i have been visiting 2nd pres., a larger presbyterian church here in memphis. i have been going to the sunday school class for "young adults" which has been SO SO good. my need for communitry grew and grew the past year or so as i realized how much it was not only beneficial for us as Christians but how it IS what the church is all about. the speaker this past wk was a guest who was a younger man who gave his testimony. needless to say, when guys have emotional, heart-wrenching stories, i get emotional....and i am not an emotional person. this guy's testimony was one of the most convicting ones i have heard in a while. he talked about our "plan" for our lives vs. what the Lord really wants for our lives. he talked about how he had kindof mapped out this perfect life he looked forward to---wife, home, good job....but how the Lord's plan was completely different and ultimately better. he grew up in a Christian home and school and had become a "Christian" at an early age, but he didn't really KNOW the Lord. he got into some deep sin during middle school/high school and he tlaked about his struggles with that sin and how he knew he was "guilty" and he would pray about the sin and ask God to intervene, but when he saw the Lord wasn't doing anything or wasn't really taking it away, he would just shut his Bible and think "God really isn't powerful, He's not taking this sin away from me". so he continued in that sin and struggling with that. when he got to college, he had found "the girl" and they got engaged. and during their engagement, they worked at a camp and he spent some time with the Lord praying about the engagement and had read several things talking about being open and honest with one another and with the Lord. during that time, he confessed to his fiance his struggle and that it was still with him, and they sortof worked it out and forced "making it work" and they got married. life went on and his "perfect" life was seemingly ok to the outside people looking in. he had a good job, a wife, money, a home, etc....but he felt empty and drained. he would come home and even though he knew he had to make it work with his wife, he had no energy and nothing left in him to force making that relationship work. the Lord was obviously working in his heart and guiding him, even through the hard things. one day his wife and him got in sortof an argument and she left saying "you just need to go talk to your dad". they had not talked about a divorce or anything, but that night really really late, he left to go talk with his dad. he said they drove around for almost 4 hours talking about this life he was living and how he felt empty and felt his wife and his relationship was not working the way he had planned. while driving around with his dad, they talked about the verse in james 5:16 that says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." he said that night he knew that verse was real and KNEW that God really valued him and really valued his struggles and this broken relationship he had with his wife. he said he got home from that talk and was sitting on his couch and waiting for his wife to get back and prayed "Lord just let me get back to my bedroom before i break down". he said he hadn't made it 2 steps into his room before he fell on his knees and just wept. he wept over this life he had been forcing that was not according to God's will but what he wanted and forced for himself. but the Lord had used this for his GOOD. he had realized so many things about himself and about the Lord and really knowing Him, that if he had not gone through this hard situation, he wouldn't have maybe come to those realizations. his personality was one of people-pleasing and working things out, and when his wife came home that night he said he wanted so badly to just go talk to her and figure whatever out that was wrong and share with her what he had realized and figured out about himself and that maybe that would help. but she came in and walked into his room and said she wanted a divorce. he said they went to counseling after that and tried to renew things in their relationship, but it just didn't work out in that regard.
this is a long story and probably one that is pretty common among Christian circles. i'm not sure...but it was so convicting how much we manipulate things to go in our favor because we want things in our timing. but God knows our hearts at those times, He knows what is ultimately best for our lives. and sometimes that calls for hard times and for being extremely patient, but it is His perfect plan.
this is so comforting to me and this story has been in my head and on the tip of my tongue the past 2 days. i want to share it with everyone i come in contact with. it brings so much joy and relief to think our Father cares about us that much and values our feelings and our brokenness and uses those for our good and to glorify Himself, where the glory is due!
well that's all for now, off to studying!
love.

Dentist Appointment

Danielle, I thought that you would enjoy hearing that I just came from the most encouraging dentist appointment. The dental hygienist is just the sweetest lady, and I was just amazed at how God spoke through her. After telling her that I was an art major and filling her in on my plans after graduation, she started talking to me about how exciting this time in my life is. She was truly so excited for me, and excited about seeing how God was going to work in this transition time in my life. She reminded me that "every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." She reminded me that my desire to create art is from Him and that He is going to work through that. She reminded me that God has amazing plans for my life, and He is in complete control. Her excitement was amazing. I was amazed at God's grace in speaking to me through a dentist appointment! I've been on the computer way too long blogging and facebooking, so I'm going to keep this short, but I just wanted to share :)

acts 17

sarah! i am so glad we are starting this back. thank you so much for posting the first post for the summer. i am going to try to keep up with this better, simply because i have more time this summer than i did during the semester with school.
well let me tell you lately what i've been thinking and how different verses and things have encouraged me. a friend wrote me a letter the other day and shared with me some verses in acts chp 17: 24-29ish. they are so good. i want to type out some of them because they are so great. "The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would SEEK GOD, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, 'For we also are His children'..."
these verses seem sortof trivial at first when you read them. Paul is preaching to people on Mars Hill and is sharing this with them about God and His sovereign rule. the thing that stands out the most to me about these verses, that my friend also pointed out, is that God had appointed His people those boundaries in which He knew they would seek Him and that He knew best for them. with that said, how convicting and humbling and peaceful that we can rest in that! my mind has been restless and my heart has been wandering during all of this wedding season stuff going on with my friends. i have definitely been discontent in ways i didn't know i could be, just because i see so many married couples who are so happy with one another and i long for that so badly. but the amazing thing about these verses that then draws me to my knees in AWE is that God loves us so much that He has placed us where we are in order for us to truly seek Him and He knows in those situations and in our lives that He has sovereign rule over, we would "grope for Him" even though He is NOT FAR OFF FROM EACH OF US! anyway, i thought this was a great depiction of His love and the delight He takes in our lives and His direction for us. i just thought i would share this. i love when i get quotes and verses like this from friends and am able to share them with others. i feel like that is definitely a part of community and the Church.
i'm going to end with a tim keller quote (doesn't exactly relate to my little spill, but nonetheless, it is good!) can't wait for the next post!
"If you know what He has done at infinite cost to himself—He’s put you into a relationship so that you’ll never be rejected by Him—then your motivation when you sin is to go get Him. You want fellowship with Him. When the thing that most assures you is the thing that most convicts you, you’ll be okay because when you’re convicted of sin in a gospel way it drives you toward God. Without the gospel we hate ourselves instead of our sin. Without the gospel we’re motivated through all sorts of awful fear and pride to change and it doesn’t really change our hearts; it just restrains our hearts." — Timothy Keller

Blog Suggestion

Yesterday, I decided to post my reading list for the summer on my blog. Well, this morning, when I went to my blog I had one response. It was from the author of one of the books I had on my list! I don't know how she came across my blog, but I thought that was pretty cool. She had her own blog listed underneath her comment, so I went to check it out. Its called Flying Solo. Its a blog for single girls. I haven't read a ton yet, so I don't know how great it is. She has mentioned that she's divorced. Obviously, that sends up warning signs, but I don't know her story, so I don't know for sure that she was completely in the wrong for getting divorced. Anyways, just something to check out. http://denisehildreth.typepad.com/flying_solo/.

Hey Guys!

So, do ya'll get the emails saying that someone has commented on our blog? I might be the only one since I started the blog, I'm not sure. But someone other than people who are a part of the blog commented. How cool is that? We know that our blog has been an encouragement to at least one person. And Danielle, since our blog is your comment thing on your facebook page, I'm guessing more people than that visit our little blog. Therefore, we need to keep this going. We need to keep it going, not only for ourselves, but for the few people who might have been encouraged by what we were saying. I really enjoyed this blog, and I want to get it started back. For real this time. I also want to follow through with what I say, and not just say something but not follow through.

So where do I begin? I don't have a devotional, a song, or even a Bible verse. But, I have the lie that I've been believing lately, and the truth that God is revealing to me. So, this isn't anything new, I've been struggling with it for a while. I'm an art major. An art major doesn't lead to a specific job. I hope I can get a job at an art gallery in Charleston, but that's not guaranteed. Other than that, it feels like you have to go to grad school to get a job with an art major. I've been looking for jobs on-line, and it seems like I'm not even prepared for a secretary job. Here's the beginning of the lie I'm believing, that I'm a smart girl, but because I chose to be an art major, I have nothing that I am capable of doing. This lie leads me to think about the job that I'm sure I'm prepared for, the job that I am convinced I was created for: being a mother. Then I think about my age, 23. For as long as I can remember, okay, maybe that's an exageration, but since eighth or ninth grade, I've thought okay, I have this many years to wait until Ann became a wife, and this many years to wait until Mom became a wife. I'm now two years past the year that Ann became a wife, and maybe a year away from when she had her first child. I'm still five years away from when Mom became a wife, and seven away from when she became a mother. And here's what I begin to think. Mom says to this day that she wishes she could have had more children. But she didn't get started until she was 29 or 30 because she didn't get married until she was 28. I want 4 to 6 children. So I start to think, I'm running out of time. I need to have a year to date, then I need to have a year to be engaged. Then I need two years at least, just to be married. Okay, so if I meet my husband tomorrow, well then I'll be at least 28 before I can have a child. I'm running out of time!!!

So those are the thoughts, the lies, that are running through my head. I struggle with them on a daily basis. I guess I'm just putting it out there. And as I write it, I'm sorry I like to begin sentences with and, I begin to believe it more, and I begin to panic.

But, I also like to begin sentences with but, I also know what God has been reminding me of lately. The desire to be a mother, the desire to have children, and to create a family, is a desire that glorifies God. Its a desire that God created. When I begin to make it more important than him however, when I think that it isn't going to work out, I believe that God doesn't have control, then it becomes an idol. However, when I believe that it is a desire that comes from God, then I know I don't have to worry about it. I know that He will work it out in His timing and His way. The wondeful thing is, that if I leave it up to Him to fulfill, well then two children are just as great as six, and its okay if that's all I have. Its a desire that comes from Him, so I don't have to worry about it. He'll glorify Himself. He doesn't need my help. That doesn't mean I'm going to meet a guy tomorrow, it means that its okay if I don't.

So I started it back. Your turn :)

Just wanted to say...

That I miss our blog :(  I pretty much blew it, it was my turn to write and I didn't.  But I miss ya'll, well I miss you Danielle, I see Kate, but I miss our blogging.  What do you think?  Should we pick it back up?  

it's been a while...

hi friends,
i'm glad to be back into the swing of school and the blog. probably from middle school on, i have kept some kind of either "diary" or prayer journal. and every once in a while i like looking back at those and not only laughing hysterically, but thinking how gracious and faithful my Heavenly Father is and has been. although i haven't experienced immense trials and hardships, i have been through those little "dramas" and uncertainties in life, and feelings of loneliness and all sorts of emotions (anger, bitterness, etc.). it's great to look back at those days and kindof ponder on them and laugh about them all at the same time...but mostly i like pondering over them and seeing how the Lord has been leading me the whole way. as kate said, i focus so much on the today that i forget the bigger picture...of purpose, of desiring the will of Him who has created me and brought me through life so far, and i get so zoned in on myself that it's easy to forget the Lord is constantly whispering "I am here, guiding you...I've been here the whole time". the past few weeks have been so incredibly busy, where it's been so easy to settle into that busy-ness and forget about delighting in the Lord and just sitting down and spending time getting to know Him more. i love those days at starbucks or even sitting in my bed, where i can completely focus on the Word...when i'm intentional about seeking Him. it made me almost jealous thinking you were at cambridge doing just that, kate! i constantly battle with trusting the Lord and opening up all parts of my life to Him, and letting Him become my King in reigning over every single problem, relationship, friendship, action, word, etc. i see also every day that i need Him...i want to know Him, i want to know more of Him and have HIM fill me and acknowledge that He is the only One that CAN fill my longings and desires. it's tough when there is that constant battle of submitting but wanting what we want...and then i remember He's done everything needed for us to be right with Him, we simply need to go to Him and believe that. as i think of more thoughts to share, i'll add them to the blog! i think this is all for now...leaving ya'll with some quotes/verses.
"all my lifelong i had panted for a drink from some cool spring, that i hoped would quench the burning of the thirst i felt within. hallelujah! He has found me, the One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings, through His blood i now am saved.
feeding on the filth around me, till' my strength was almost gone, longed my soul for something better, only still to hunger on. poor i was and sought for riches something that would satisfy; but the dust i gathered round me, only mocked my soul's sad cry. Hallelujah! He has found me, the One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings, through His blood i now am saved. well of water, ever springing, Bread of Life so rich and free, untold wealth that never faileth, my Redeemer is to me! hallelujah! He has found me, the One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings, through His blood i now am saved." - satisfied
"by faith we see, as in a mirror dimly, the reflected image of His unbounded treasures, but when we actually see the heavenly things themselves, with our own eyes, how deep will be the stream of fellowship in which our soul shall bathe! until then, our loudest songs shall be reserved for our loving benefactor, Jesus Christ our Lord, whose love to us is wonderful, surpassing the love of a man for a woman". - spurgeon "morning and evening"

tough day pt.2

first of all, read the post below this one first!

just so you know, as i write this, there are 2 boys meeting and discussing the word directly in front of me and reading a book by JC Ryle. 2 more from the previous post and 2 behind me. it must be "every cute boy meet and discuss the Word at cambridge" day. hmm. just my luck.

so, i just had a revelation. i am reading Spurgeon's morning. he says...
"There is a fullness of triumph in His ascension, for 'when He ascended up on high, He led captivity captive, and received gifts for men'... Come, believer, and receive largely, for this 'fullness' is inexhaustible, and is treasured up where all the needy may reach it, even in Jesus, Immanuel - God with us."

ok, so i am going to try to word this correctly. what's going through my mind. the devotion comes from the verse, "and of His fullness have all we received." - john 1:16. so, as i see all of these guys who are seeking His Word... i think, these boys are seeking Him. i am impressed with them and want to be with them (partially) because they are seeking Him. they don't have what i want. the Lord hopefully will use them in the lives of women to point women to Him. and hopefully there will be a man one day to do that for me... to guide me and to lead me and to be my partner. but it is all for Christ. and these guys, by sitting and searching the Word are saying, i need Him. i need who He is and what He has to offer. so, i sit here and am thinking... i need Him. i don't need these guys and they don't have what i want. they can't give me this longing that is going on inside of me. that comes from the Lord. He is fullness of all that i need or could ask for or could desire. and my prayer this morning is that i would believe that. that my eyes would not be so focused on what is today... on what may occur on this earth but on my Heavenly Father and how He wants me to point others to Him. praise God for revealing that to me... i will continue to search for His truth.

“God is the ultimate musician. His music transforms your life. The notes of redemption rearrange your heart and restore your life. His songs of forgiveness, grace, reconciliation, truth, hope, sovereignty, and love give you back your humanity and restore your identity.” - paul tripp

“God did not create us to get the cosmic, infinite joy of mutual love and glorification, but to share it. We were to join in the dance. If we center our lives on him, serving him not out of self-interest, but for the sake of who he is, for the sake of his beauty and glory, we will enter the dance and share in the joy and love he lives in. We were designed, then, not just for belief in God in some general way, nor for a vague kind of inspiration or spirituality. We were made to center our lives upon him, to make the purpose and passion of our lives knowing, serving, delighting, and resembling him. This growth in happiness will go on eternally, increasing unimaginably (1 Corinthians 2:7-10).”
- Timothy Keller, The Reason For God

"I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room
I want to look right at You I want to sing right to You

I believe that You are listening
I believe that You move at the sound of my voice

Give me dove's eyes
Give me undistracted devotion for only You"
- dove's eyes, misty edwards

tough day pt. 1

hey guys. so, i really do not know if i have much to say. but, this morning i am sitting at cambridge coffee. do you ever have those nights where you just really long for a guy so bad? last night, i literally could not sleep because i wanted someone there so bad, and i knew that the next day would not bring someone. some days i am completely fine and content and just resting in where the Lord has me right now. and some days, i just want a boyfriend so bad. so, i tossed and turned wanting to go ahead and be in daylight. yes, morning always helps. it is always so much better... things are put into perspective and my mind is clear to speak to God and to hear from Him and His Word. so, i went to cambridge coffee. i even skip class, because i couldn't sleep well and have no desire to go, whatsoever, and i have several free misses. so, i'm in cambridge. what do you know, i walk into about 10 boys sitting around the couch having bible study. i believe it is a fraternity bible study and everything this leader guy is saying is very solid. and i'm sitting behind two other individual boys, of siginifigant cuteness, and they're just hanging out, studying their bible. so, the leader gets up and they all disperse and the leader looks older, wiser, and so handsome and he is definitely carrying the book, Prodigal God. i am like, really? really? i practically wanted to leap on one of them... but do not worry i constrained myself. so, this morning, i am going to try to spend some intimate time with Christ. i am going to really dig deep into who He is and find out the fullness of what He has to offer apart from any cute boy who may be a Keller fan. i will let you know what comes of my time.