it's been a while...

hi friends,
i'm glad to be back into the swing of school and the blog. probably from middle school on, i have kept some kind of either "diary" or prayer journal. and every once in a while i like looking back at those and not only laughing hysterically, but thinking how gracious and faithful my Heavenly Father is and has been. although i haven't experienced immense trials and hardships, i have been through those little "dramas" and uncertainties in life, and feelings of loneliness and all sorts of emotions (anger, bitterness, etc.). it's great to look back at those days and kindof ponder on them and laugh about them all at the same time...but mostly i like pondering over them and seeing how the Lord has been leading me the whole way. as kate said, i focus so much on the today that i forget the bigger picture...of purpose, of desiring the will of Him who has created me and brought me through life so far, and i get so zoned in on myself that it's easy to forget the Lord is constantly whispering "I am here, guiding you...I've been here the whole time". the past few weeks have been so incredibly busy, where it's been so easy to settle into that busy-ness and forget about delighting in the Lord and just sitting down and spending time getting to know Him more. i love those days at starbucks or even sitting in my bed, where i can completely focus on the Word...when i'm intentional about seeking Him. it made me almost jealous thinking you were at cambridge doing just that, kate! i constantly battle with trusting the Lord and opening up all parts of my life to Him, and letting Him become my King in reigning over every single problem, relationship, friendship, action, word, etc. i see also every day that i need Him...i want to know Him, i want to know more of Him and have HIM fill me and acknowledge that He is the only One that CAN fill my longings and desires. it's tough when there is that constant battle of submitting but wanting what we want...and then i remember He's done everything needed for us to be right with Him, we simply need to go to Him and believe that. as i think of more thoughts to share, i'll add them to the blog! i think this is all for now...leaving ya'll with some quotes/verses.
"all my lifelong i had panted for a drink from some cool spring, that i hoped would quench the burning of the thirst i felt within. hallelujah! He has found me, the One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings, through His blood i now am saved.
feeding on the filth around me, till' my strength was almost gone, longed my soul for something better, only still to hunger on. poor i was and sought for riches something that would satisfy; but the dust i gathered round me, only mocked my soul's sad cry. Hallelujah! He has found me, the One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings, through His blood i now am saved. well of water, ever springing, Bread of Life so rich and free, untold wealth that never faileth, my Redeemer is to me! hallelujah! He has found me, the One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings, through His blood i now am saved." - satisfied
"by faith we see, as in a mirror dimly, the reflected image of His unbounded treasures, but when we actually see the heavenly things themselves, with our own eyes, how deep will be the stream of fellowship in which our soul shall bathe! until then, our loudest songs shall be reserved for our loving benefactor, Jesus Christ our Lord, whose love to us is wonderful, surpassing the love of a man for a woman". - spurgeon "morning and evening"

tough day pt.2

first of all, read the post below this one first!

just so you know, as i write this, there are 2 boys meeting and discussing the word directly in front of me and reading a book by JC Ryle. 2 more from the previous post and 2 behind me. it must be "every cute boy meet and discuss the Word at cambridge" day. hmm. just my luck.

so, i just had a revelation. i am reading Spurgeon's morning. he says...
"There is a fullness of triumph in His ascension, for 'when He ascended up on high, He led captivity captive, and received gifts for men'... Come, believer, and receive largely, for this 'fullness' is inexhaustible, and is treasured up where all the needy may reach it, even in Jesus, Immanuel - God with us."

ok, so i am going to try to word this correctly. what's going through my mind. the devotion comes from the verse, "and of His fullness have all we received." - john 1:16. so, as i see all of these guys who are seeking His Word... i think, these boys are seeking Him. i am impressed with them and want to be with them (partially) because they are seeking Him. they don't have what i want. the Lord hopefully will use them in the lives of women to point women to Him. and hopefully there will be a man one day to do that for me... to guide me and to lead me and to be my partner. but it is all for Christ. and these guys, by sitting and searching the Word are saying, i need Him. i need who He is and what He has to offer. so, i sit here and am thinking... i need Him. i don't need these guys and they don't have what i want. they can't give me this longing that is going on inside of me. that comes from the Lord. He is fullness of all that i need or could ask for or could desire. and my prayer this morning is that i would believe that. that my eyes would not be so focused on what is today... on what may occur on this earth but on my Heavenly Father and how He wants me to point others to Him. praise God for revealing that to me... i will continue to search for His truth.

“God is the ultimate musician. His music transforms your life. The notes of redemption rearrange your heart and restore your life. His songs of forgiveness, grace, reconciliation, truth, hope, sovereignty, and love give you back your humanity and restore your identity.” - paul tripp

“God did not create us to get the cosmic, infinite joy of mutual love and glorification, but to share it. We were to join in the dance. If we center our lives on him, serving him not out of self-interest, but for the sake of who he is, for the sake of his beauty and glory, we will enter the dance and share in the joy and love he lives in. We were designed, then, not just for belief in God in some general way, nor for a vague kind of inspiration or spirituality. We were made to center our lives upon him, to make the purpose and passion of our lives knowing, serving, delighting, and resembling him. This growth in happiness will go on eternally, increasing unimaginably (1 Corinthians 2:7-10).”
- Timothy Keller, The Reason For God

"I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room
I want to look right at You I want to sing right to You

I believe that You are listening
I believe that You move at the sound of my voice

Give me dove's eyes
Give me undistracted devotion for only You"
- dove's eyes, misty edwards

tough day pt. 1

hey guys. so, i really do not know if i have much to say. but, this morning i am sitting at cambridge coffee. do you ever have those nights where you just really long for a guy so bad? last night, i literally could not sleep because i wanted someone there so bad, and i knew that the next day would not bring someone. some days i am completely fine and content and just resting in where the Lord has me right now. and some days, i just want a boyfriend so bad. so, i tossed and turned wanting to go ahead and be in daylight. yes, morning always helps. it is always so much better... things are put into perspective and my mind is clear to speak to God and to hear from Him and His Word. so, i went to cambridge coffee. i even skip class, because i couldn't sleep well and have no desire to go, whatsoever, and i have several free misses. so, i'm in cambridge. what do you know, i walk into about 10 boys sitting around the couch having bible study. i believe it is a fraternity bible study and everything this leader guy is saying is very solid. and i'm sitting behind two other individual boys, of siginifigant cuteness, and they're just hanging out, studying their bible. so, the leader gets up and they all disperse and the leader looks older, wiser, and so handsome and he is definitely carrying the book, Prodigal God. i am like, really? really? i practically wanted to leap on one of them... but do not worry i constrained myself. so, this morning, i am going to try to spend some intimate time with Christ. i am going to really dig deep into who He is and find out the fullness of what He has to offer apart from any cute boy who may be a Keller fan. i will let you know what comes of my time.